Supporting a Bereaved Loved One: Tips and Resources

Grieving the loss of a loved one is an intensely personal and emotional experience, and knowing how to support someone going through it can be challenging. While there is no one-size-fits-all solution to helping someone cope with bereavement, there are several approaches that can provide emotional comfort and practical help during this difficult time.

Understanding Grief Reactions

Grief can manifest in many different ways, and it’s important to understand that everyone grieves differently. While some people may openly express their sadness, others may internalise their feelings, making it harder to recognise their pain. Common reactions to grief include:

Shock and disbelief: Even when a loss is expected, the reality can be difficult to accept. A bereaved person may struggle to come to terms with the loss, experiencing a sense of numbness or detachment.

Sadness and despair: Deep feelings of sadness, loneliness, and hopelessness are often central to the grieving process. This sadness may ebb and flow, appearing stronger on certain days, like birthdays or anniversaries.

Anger and frustration: Some people may experience anger, either directed at themselves, others, or the circumstances surrounding the loss. This is a natural part of grief, as it often accompanies feelings of helplessness.

Guilt: The bereaved may have feelings of guilt, wondering if they could have done something differently to prevent the loss, or if they didn’t spend enough time with the person who has passed.

Fear and anxiety: Losing someone close can provoke fears about the future, such as anxiety over their own mortality or the changes to their life without their loved one.

Tips for Offering Emotional Support

Providing support for a grieving loved one is about being present and offering a non-judgmental space for them to express their feelings. Here are some ways you can help:

  • Listen without offering solutions: One of the most valuable things you can do is listen. Let your loved one talk about their feelings, memories, and thoughts without trying to fix the situation. Avoid clichés like “They’re in a better place” or “It was their time,” as these can often feel dismissive.
  • Acknowledge their pain: Grief is a natural response to loss, and acknowledging their feelings can be validating. Say things like, “I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here for you,” or “It’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused.”
  • Be patient: Grieving is a process that doesn’t follow a linear timeline. Your loved one may experience intense grief one day and appear more at peace the next. Patience and understanding are key.
  • Offer practical help: Grief can be overwhelming, and everyday tasks can feel impossible. Offer to help with specific tasks, such as cooking meals, picking up groceries, or running errands. Don’t simply say, “Let me know if you need anything,” as the bereaved may find it difficult to ask for help.
  • Encourage self-care: While grieving, many people forget to take care of their physical and emotional well-being. Gently remind your loved one to eat, rest, and take breaks when needed. You can even offer to join them for a walk or other low-pressure activities that promote self-care.

Coping Strategies for Grief

There are several coping strategies that can help those who are grieving manage their emotions over time. As a supportive friend or family member, you can suggest these techniques while offering your ongoing assistance:

Create a memory ritual: Suggest that they create a memory book or engage in a ritual that honours their loved one’s memory. This could include lighting a candle, writing letters to the deceased, or visiting places that were special to them.

Join a support group: Encouraging your loved one to join a bereavement support group can provide a sense of community. Being with others who are also experiencing loss can offer emotional validation and reduce feelings of isolation.

Seek professional help: In some cases, grief can lead to prolonged periods of depression or anxiety. If your loved one seems stuck in their grief or is struggling to cope, suggest professional counselling. Grief counsellors can offer targeted strategies to help navigate difficult emotions.

Local Bereavement Support in New Zealand

For those grieving in New Zealand, there are several resources and support services available:

Grief Centre: These organisations provide counselling, therapy, and group support for those dealing with loss. Many services are available across New Zealand and can be accessed locally or online.

Skylight Trust: Offering nationwide support, Skylight Trust provides resources for people affected by grief, trauma, and loss. They offer counselling and helpful resources that can be accessed online.

Seasons for Growth: This organisation offers programmes specifically designed to help people of all ages process loss, change, and grief.

Hospice New Zealand: Many hospices in New Zealand offer bereavement support for families who have lost a loved one, including counselling and support groups.

Griefline NZ: A helpline for individuals struggling with loss. The organisation offers a free and confidential service, connecting callers with trained counsellors who provide emotional support.

Supporting a loved one through bereavement requires patience, empathy, and understanding. By offering emotional and practical help, acknowledging their grief, and connecting them with local resources, you can provide the support they need during this challenging time. At Rowley Funerals, we are committed to helping families navigate the complexities of grief and offer compassionate guidance throughout the process. Please visit our bereavement page here for more information.

Memorial Garden Design: Ideas for Creating Beautiful and Reflective Memorial Gardens in Honour of Loved Ones

A memorial garden is a beautiful and serene way to honour and remember a loved one who has passed away. These gardens provide a peaceful space for reflection and remembrance, offering a living tribute that can bring comfort and solace. At Rowley Funerals, we understand the importance of creating meaningful memorials and offer these ideas for designing a memorial garden that is both beautiful and reflective.

Choosing the Right Location

Finding a Tranquil Spot: Select a location that offers peace and quiet, away from the hustle and bustle of daily life. This could be a secluded corner of your yard, a dedicated space in a community garden, or even a balcony or terrace if you have limited space.

Considering Accessibility: Ensure that the garden is easily accessible so that you can visit it regularly. If you plan to invite others to share in the space, consider the accessibility needs of your family and friends.

Selecting Plants and Flowers

Meaningful Plants: Choose plants that have special significance to your loved one. This could include their favourite flowers, plants that represent qualities they embodied, or those that symbolise remembrance, such as forget-me-nots or rosemary.

Seasonal Interest: Plan for a garden that offers beauty throughout the year. Select a mix of perennials, annuals, shrubs, and trees to ensure continuous bloom and interest in every season.

Low-Maintenance Options: Opt for plants that are easy to care for and maintain. This will ensure that the garden remains beautiful and vibrant without requiring extensive upkeep.

Personal Touches and Decorations

Memorial Plaques and Stones: Incorporate personalised elements such as engraved plaques or memorial stones with your loved one’s name and a meaningful quote. These can serve as focal points in the garden and add a personal touch.

Seating Areas: Adding a bench or seating area allows you to spend time in the garden, reflecting and remembering your loved one. Choose comfortable and weather-resistant seating that complements the overall design.

Water Features: Consider adding a small water feature, such as a fountain or birdbath. The sound of flowing water can be soothing and enhance the peaceful atmosphere of the garden.

Wind Chimes and Ornaments: Decorate the garden with wind chimes, lanterns, or other ornaments that add to the tranquil ambiance. These elements can also serve as gentle reminders of your loved one.

Creating Pathways and Structures

Garden Pathways: Design pathways that guide visitors through the garden, allowing them to explore different areas and enjoy the variety of plants and features. Use natural materials like gravel, stone, or wood to create harmonious paths.

Arches and Trellises: Incorporate structures like arches and trellises to add height and dimension to the garden. These can be used to support climbing plants or to frame entrances and focal points.

Ongoing Care and Maintenance

Regular Visits: Spending time in the garden can be a therapeutic activity that helps you stay connected to your loved one. Regular visits for watering, weeding, and tending to the plants can provide a sense of purpose and continuity.

Seasonal Updates: Refresh the garden with seasonal plantings and decorations. This keeps the space vibrant and allows you to mark significant dates or anniversaries with special additions.

Community Involvement: If your memorial garden is in a shared or public space, consider involving the community in its care and maintenance. This can foster a sense of collective remembrance and support.

Conclusion

Creating a memorial garden is a heartfelt and lasting way to honour a loved one’s memory. By carefully selecting plants, incorporating personal touches, and maintaining the space with care, you can create a beautiful and reflective sanctuary. At Rowley Funerals, we are dedicated to helping you design meaningful memorials that celebrate the lives of those you cherish.

Anniversary of Loss: Ideas for Commemorating the Anniversary of a Loved One’s Passing

The anniversary of a loved one’s passing is a poignant time that often brings a mix of emotions, from sorrow and longing to fond memories and gratitude. Commemorating this day can help keep their memory alive and provide a sense of connection. At Rowley Funerals, we understand the significance of these anniversaries and offer compassionate support to help you honour your loved ones in meaningful ways. Here are some ideas for commemorating the anniversary of a loved one’s passing, including special gatherings, memorial events, and creating a memorial garden at home.

Special Gatherings

Family Reunions: Gathering family and friends can be a powerful way to remember and honour your loved one. Organise a reunion where everyone can share stories, look through photo albums, and reminisce about cherished memories. This collective remembrance can provide emotional support and strengthen familial bonds.

Memorial Services: Holding a memorial service on the anniversary can offer a formal opportunity to reflect and pay tribute. Include readings, music, and speeches that celebrate the life and legacy of your loved one. This service can be held at a significant location such as a family home, a favourite park, or a place of worship.

Picnics or Dinners: A more informal way to commemorate the anniversary is to organise a picnic or dinner. Choose a location that was meaningful to your loved one and serve their favourite foods. This can turn the day into a celebration of their life and the joy they brought to others.

Memorial Events

Charity Events: Hosting a charity event in your loved one’s name can be a fulfilling way to honour their legacy. Organise a fundraising walk, run, or another event to support a cause they cared about. This not only honours their memory but also makes a positive impact on the community.

Tree Planting: Planting a tree in memory of your loved one creates a living tribute that grows and flourishes over time. Choose a location that was significant to them, such as their garden, a local park, or another cherished spot. Watching the tree grow can bring comfort and a sense of ongoing connection.

Memorial Run or Walk: Organise a memorial run or walk to honour your loved one. This can be an annual event that raises awareness or funds for a cause that was important to them, while also bringing people together in remembrance.

Creating a Memorial Garden

Planning the Garden: Creating a memorial garden can be a beautiful and lasting way to remember a loved one. Start by selecting a tranquil spot in your yard or a community space where you can plant flowers, shrubs, and trees that remind you of them.

Plant Selection: Choose plants that were significant to your loved one or that have special meanings. For example, roses for love, forget-me-nots for remembrance, or their favourite flowers. Incorporate a variety of plants to ensure year-round beauty and interest.

Personal Touches: Add personal touches to the garden to make it uniquely theirs. This can include garden stones with engraved messages, wind chimes, or a bench where you can sit and reflect. Consider placing a small plaque or memorial stone with their name and a meaningful quote.

Maintenance and Care: Caring for the memorial garden can be a therapeutic activity. Spend time tending to the plants, weeding, and making seasonal updates. This ongoing care can provide a sense of purpose and a way to stay connected to your loved one.

Commemorating the anniversary of a loved one’s passing can be a deeply meaningful experience. Whether through special gatherings, memorial events, or creating a memorial garden, these acts of remembrance can bring comfort and help you feel connected to your loved one. At Rowley Funerals, we are here to support you in creating a tribute that reflects the unique and cherished memories of your loved one.

 

Blooms of Remembrance: Memorial Plants for June in Auckland

Creating a living memorial through planting is a poignant way to commemorate a loved one’s life, providing a space for reflection and solace that grows over time. In Auckland, the unique climatic conditions allow for a variety of plants to flourish, even in the cooler months of June. This article, presented by Rowley Funerals, guides you through selecting plants that not only thrive in Auckland’s winter but also serve as beautiful tributes to your loved ones.

The Significance of Memorial Gardens

A memorial garden offers a serene spot for families and friends to remember and celebrate the life of someone they have lost. The act of planting, nurturing, and watching something grow is therapeutic, symbolising life’s continuous cycle and the enduring nature of memory. Choosing plants that bloom in June, the month you wish to remember your loved one, ensures that the garden will serve as a special place of remembrance year after year.

Plants in Season in June in Auckland

1. Camellias

Camellias are amongst the most popular and resilient flowering shrubs for cooler climates, and Auckland is no exception. With their glossy green leaves and exquisite blooms that range from white to pink and red, they symbolise love, affection, and admiration. Camellias are particularly fitting for a memorial garden, offering a lasting tribute with their long blooming season.

2. Hellebores (Winter Roses)

Hellebores, often known as Winter Roses, are another excellent choice for a June memorial garden. These hardy perennials bloom in the cooler months, bringing life and colour to the garden when most other plants are dormant. Their downward-facing flowers, in shades of white, pink, purple, and green, symbolise tranquillity and peace, echoing the reflective nature of a memorial garden.

3. Daphne

Daphne is a winter-flowering shrub known for its intensely fragrant blooms that fill the air with a sweet perfume. The plant’s small, pink, and white flowers are a reminder of life’s fleeting beauty, making it a meaningful addition to any memorial garden. Daphne thrives in the Auckland climate, preferring a cool, sheltered spot.

4. Pansies and Violas

For ground cover or borders, pansies and violas are ideal. These annuals can easily be planted in June and will provide a splash of colour with their cheerful faces throughout the winter months. Both flowers are associated with loving thoughts and remembrance, fitting sentiments for a garden dedicated to memory.

5. Kowhai

The native Kowhai tree, with its magnificent yellow blooms, is a symbol of Auckland and a beautiful choice for a memorial garden. While it flowers in the spring, planting a Kowhai in June gives it time to establish itself. The tree is a symbol of growth, renewal, and the beauty of life, reflecting the cycle of life and death in nature.

Creating the Memorial Garden

When creating a memorial garden, consider the overall design and how each plant contributes to the space’s feeling and purpose. You might choose plants for their symbolic meanings, colours, or simply because they were favourites of your loved one. Incorporate elements such as benches, stones, or personalised plaques to further personalise the space, making it a comforting place to visit and remember.

Conclusion

A memorial garden is a living tribute that grows and changes with time, much like our memories of those we’ve lost. By choosing plants that are in season in June in Auckland, you create a space that not only honours your loved one but also provides a sanctuary for those left behind to reflect, mourn, and celebrate life. Rowley Funerals believes in the healing power of nature and the comforting presence of a beautifully tended garden dedicated to memory. Through these blooms of remembrance, we find a lasting connection to our loved ones, ensuring their legacy continues to inspire and touch lives.

Navigating Childhood Grief: A Curated List of Books to Help Young Minds Understand Loss

The journey through grief is a path no one wishes to walk, especially for children who face the bewildering terrain of loss for the first time. At Rowley Funerals, we understand the profound impact the death of a loved one can have on a young soul. To aid in this delicate time, literature can serve as both a guide and a solace, providing a gentle means to explore and express feelings of sadness and confusion. This article offers a carefully selected list of books, each chosen for its ability to help children navigate the complex emotions associated with losing someone dear.

1. “The Heart and the Bottle” by Oliver Jeffers Oliver Jeffers tenderly explores the themes of love, loss, and the protective barriers we build around our hearts to avoid pain. Through its poignant narrative and illustrations, this book offers a gateway for children to understand the process of grief and the importance of keeping memories alive.

2. “Goodbye Mog” by Judith Kerr Judith Kerr’s beloved character Mog the cat takes her final journey, providing a gentle introduction to the concept of death for young readers. Kerr handles the subject with sensitivity and grace, making it an excellent tool for parents to discuss loss with their children, reassuring them of the continuing presence of loved ones in our memories.

3. “Michael Rosen’s Sad Book” by Michael Rosen, illustrated by Quentin Blake This powerful book delves into the depth of Michael Rosen’s sadness following the death of his son Eddie. Rosen’s honest and straightforward narrative, combined with Blake’s expressive illustrations, captures the essence of grief in a way that resonates with both children and adults, encouraging the expression of feelings often hard to articulate.

4. “Badger’s Parting Gifts” by Susan Varley Susan Varley’s classic tale addresses the impact of a loved one’s life through the gifts they leave behind. Badger’s friends remember him through the precious memories and lessons he imparted, teaching young readers about the positive legacy of those who have passed and the healing power of remembrance.

5. “Water Bugs and Dragonflies: Explaining Death to Young Children” by Doris Stickney Using the metaphor of water bugs’ transformation into dragonflies, this book offers a simple yet profound way to explain the concept of death to children. It’s a comforting narrative that helps demystify death, presenting it as a natural part of life and a transition to a beautiful state of being.

6. “Grandad’s Island” by Benji Davies With warmth and imagination, Benji Davies tells the story of a young boy and his grandad, exploring themes of loss and the eternal bond of love. The vibrant illustrations and adventurous tale provide a heartwarming approach to discussing the departure of a loved one with children.

The Role of Books in Grieving and Healing

Books like these serve multiple roles in a child’s grieving process. They act as mirrors reflecting the child’s own experiences, validating their feelings of sadness, confusion, or even anger. They also serve as windows into the experiences of others, showing that they are not alone in their feelings. Perhaps most importantly, they open doors to conversations about death and loss, topics often difficult to broach.

In choosing books to share with a grieving child, it’s essential to consider their age, maturity level, and the nature of their relationship with the deceased. Encourage children to express their thoughts and feelings after reading, whether through discussion, drawing, or other creative outlets, facilitating a healthy grieving process.

Conclusion

At Rowley Funerals, we recognise the crucial role that understanding and compassion play in supporting children through the loss of a loved one. By offering a handpicked selection of books, we aim to provide resources that comfort, enlighten, and encourage healing dialogue. Each story is a testament to the resilience of the human spirit, offering hope and understanding to young readers navigating through their grief. In sharing these narratives, we hope to not only ease the burden of loss but also to celebrate the enduring power of love and memory.

Healing Through Memory: Crafting Enduring Tributes to Cherished Ones

In the journey of grief, memories serve as a balm for the soul, a way to hold onto the essence of those we’ve lost. At Rowley Funerals, we understand the profound significance of commemorating loved ones in a manner that reflects their unique life and legacy. Creating lasting tributes is not only a pathway to healing but also a celebration of the impact they’ve had on our lives. This article explores the importance of such memorials and offers inspiration for those seeking to honour their loved ones in enduring ways.

The Importance of Tribute

For many, the act of creating a tribute can be a deeply cathartic process, providing a tangible connection to the loved one lost. It’s a way to express love, respect, and admiration, crystallising their memories into something that can be shared and appreciated by others. Tributes serve as a testament to the deceased’s influence, embodying their virtues, passions, and the indelible mark they’ve left on the world.

Personalised Memorials

The beauty of memorials lies in their versatility and personal nature. They can take various forms, each reflecting the unique personality, interests, and life story of the deceased. Here are a few ideas to inspire:

1. Memorial Gardens

A memorial garden, whether in a public space or a corner of your backyard, is a living tribute that grows and changes with time, much like our memories. Planting their favourite flowers, installing a bench with a commemorative plaque, or creating a stone pathway lined with meaningful quotes can transform a space into a serene spot for reflection and remembrance.

2. Commemorative Art

Art has a profound capacity to evoke emotion and commemorate life. Commissioning a piece of art—be it a sculpture, painting, or mural—that captures the essence of your loved one can be a beautiful way to keep their memory alive. This artwork can reside in a place of significance, offering a visual reminder of their spirit and presence.

3. Digital Tributes

In our digital age, creating a virtual space for memories offers a way to share the story of your loved one with a broader community. Online memorials, social media pages, or dedicated websites can host photos, stories, and messages, allowing friends and family from around the world to contribute and remember together.

4. Charitable Foundations

For those whose loved ones were passionate about a cause or charity, establishing a foundation or scholarship in their name can be a lasting legacy that impacts others positively. This type of tribute ensures their values and passions continue to make a difference in the world.

5. Personalised Keepsakes

Small, personalised items such as engraved jewellery, customised photo books, or even quilts made from their clothing can be comforting keepsakes for family and friends. These items serve as daily reminders of the love and connection shared.

The Healing Power of Remembrance

Engaging in the creation of these tributes can be a healing process in itself, providing an outlet for grief and a focus for the love that remains. At Rowley Funerals, we’ve seen firsthand how memorialising a loved one can bring comfort, offering a sense of continuity and connection that transcends death.

Conclusion

The process of crafting lasting tributes for loved ones is a deeply personal and meaningful journey. It allows us to encapsulate the essence of those we’ve lost in ways that resonate with their life story and our memories of them. At Rowley Funerals, we encourage individuals and families to explore these expressions of love and remembrance, finding solace in the knowledge that while our loved ones may be gone, their legacy lives on. In these acts of tribute, we find not only a path to healing but a celebration of life that endures beyond death.

Beautiful Ideas for Memorialising Ashes: Insights from Rowley Funerals, Auckland

At Rowley Funerals in Devonport Auckland, we assist families in finding meaningful ways to honour their loved ones after cremation. Here are some beautiful ideas for the memorialisation of ashes that offer personal connection and lasting memories.

  • Interment Options: Choosing to bury the ashes in a cemetery or a special location provides a tangible place for remembrance and reflection. In Auckland, serene gardens and dedicated areas in cemeteries offer a respectful and peaceful setting for this purpose.
  • Scattering Ashes: Scattering ashes in a meaningful place, whether it’s a beloved garden, a favourite park, or near the ocean, symbolises a return to nature and the liberation of the spirit. This act can be deeply symbolic and comforting for the bereaved.
  • Keeping Ashes at Home: For some families, keeping the ashes in a beautiful urn at home allows for a continual sense of presence and closeness. Rowley Funerals offers a range of tasteful urns to accommodate various preferences and styles.
  • Ashes into Jewellery or Art: Transforming ashes into jewellery or art pieces is a unique way to keep the memory of a loved one close. These bespoke items serve as a subtle yet poignant reminder of their presence in your life.
  • Planting Trees or Flowers: Using ashes to nurture the growth of a tree or flowers creates a living memorial. This eco-friendly option is a beautiful way to symbolise the continuation of life and a lasting legacy.
  • Memorial Glass: The conversion of ashes into exquisite glass art is an innovative and artistic approach to memorialisation. These stunning pieces of art serve as beautiful, tangible memories of the departed.
  • Memorial Benches or Plaques: Installing a bench or plaque in a meaningful location can offer a place for contemplation and remembrance. These memorials provide a physical space to visit and remember the life and contributions of the loved one.
  • Community Projects: Involvement in community projects or donations in the name of the deceased can be a way to memorialise them while contributing positively to society. This can be particularly meaningful if the project aligns with the interests or values of the departed.

The process of memorialising ashes offers a range of personal and creative options. At Rowley Funerals, your trusted funeral directors in Auckland, we are here to support you in exploring these options and honouring your loved one in a way that truly reflects their essence and your bond with them.

Cremation vs. Burial: Making an Informed Choice

Death is a natural part of life, though this doesn’t make saying goodbye any easier. When it comes to deciding between burial and cremation for you or a loved one, the decision can seem insurmountable.

We at Rowley Funerals hope to make this choice a little easier through this blog post. We offer professional, compassionate cremation services in North Shore alongside more traditional burials, which enables us to provide an informed perspective on cremation versus burial, below.

The Benefits of Cremation

In simple terms, cremation is the process in which a deceased person is transformed into ashes, through the application of powerful heat in a cremation chamber. There are several reasons why someone may opt for cremation:

  1. It’s affordable – Cremation costs much less than traditional burial, as there is no burial plot, casket or headstone required. The choice of urn can increase or decrease the price.
  2. Keep your loved ones’ remains close – Cremation is a flexible funeral process, where you can keep your loved ones’ remains close – either in an urn or in jewellery form – after the funeral.
  3. It can take place in any location – After the cremation process, you can host a funeral anywhere with your loved ones’ remains. They can be scattered in a sentimental place, or stored safely in the home.
  4. It’s environmentally conscious – Cremation doesn’t involve the use of land or embalming chemicals, so whilst carbon emissions are released during the process, the overall environmental impact is lower.

The Benefits of Burial

  1. A lasting memorial to your loved one – Burial plots can be visited time and time again, a physical and tangible reminder of your loved one. You can leave flowers, tokens or photographs. This is meaningful, and a major reason why people opt for burials over cremations.
  2. New, eco-friendly burial options – New ‘green burials’ make this usually environmentally taxing process much more eco-friendly. Natural burials, without embalming chemicals or extensive land use, are increasingly popular.
  3. Easily personalised to your loved one – For burials, everything from the casket and headstone to the burial plot can be personalised to exact requirements, and therefore adhere to the wishes of your loved one.
  4. It’s more familiar – All in all, burial is a more ‘familiar’ form of funeral than cremation; people are more comfortable with it, and a familiar process can be soothing when mourning a lost loved one.

Which one is best?

There is no right answer to this question. Often, cultural and religious considerations are the key to deciding between a burial and cremation. It’s important to make sure that a funeral aligns with the desires and faith of the deceased. Other factors, such as cost and environmental impact, are more prevalent today than ever before. Professional advice, like from the funeral directors at Rowley Funerals, may be decisive in taking the final step towards the funeral process. We can shed light on local regulations, and available options depending on your circumstances.

For yourself or a loved one, say goodbye in the way you want to, whether that is through cremation services in North Shore or burial. We urge you do so with Rowley Funerals, where we prioritise your choices throughout the funeral process. Reach out to a compassionate member of our team, today.